Chapter 3

Max-tastic!

"We have on idea what they would want in return, or how we could help them."
I'm guessing 'on' should be 'no'?

Other than that, it's great. Moar, kthnx.

I still like it! It's still kinda funny, and it makes sense!

It won't be funny all the time, as there is a story to tell, and a lot of it's deadly serious, but Robert's still a funny guy when the situation calls for it. I hope you stick with it!

Earth. Say it enough times, it starts to sound a bit silly. Maybe that's why we branded everything "Terran." "Earther" doesn't really roll off the tongue, does it? "Human" has a lot of connotations, when translated, that our diplomats were never comfortable using it. But if we're "Terrans" from the "Terran Alliance," well, that all fits together nicely, right?

The first time I saw the planet of my birth from orbit, it was in ruins. World War III had just broken out, I'd lost everything, and it was only my fortunate encounter with a friendly platoon that saved me. They took me out of their way to the O'Hare Spaceport, and put me on an automated pod bound for Mars. To make (I'd avoid using 'make' twice in the same sentence. maybe replace this with 'cut'?) a long story short, I never did make it to Mars, but I did see Earth--black clouds, raging fires, and darkness where once had been light. Kind of a troubling visual for a 16-year-old, really. (Nice few sentences, there.)

Now, though, it looked just fine, a pretty blue marble. Not quite as novel as the first time, or the second, or the third. I reached a point, somewhere along the way, where I just didn't find staring down at planets that interesting anymore. Maybe it was all the combat. I got used to staring at planets, seeing only hostility. I'm going down there because I have to fight someone. Always, that was my thought. It became a thing of menace rather than beauty. And, in the final analysis, I never found it that beautiful in the first place.

The Protector rendezvoused with Earth Station 1, although docking was not necessary this time, since we'd just been checked out at Vega. The flight controllers there accepted our new orders and we began defensive patrols. Those involved flying from one FV to another, in sequence, making sure nothing came through that shouldn't. Considering the only one anybody ever used went to Proxima, it seemed a tremendous waste of time, effort, and resources to check each one, but protocol was protocol. What if the Koraxians found a backdoor into our system? What if their starmaps were more complete? Anything was possible. And our FVs were sprinkled all over the system. One by the Sun, one out by Pluto, one smack in the middle of the Leonids (who the hell thought that one up, anyway?), and a couple more in seemingly random locations between planetary orbits. Fold vectors, being gravitationally bound, stayed the same distance from the nearest attractor at all times, fortunately. I guess this allowed the Idaltu to have a more reliable and accessible navigation system, since you could always find an FV in the same place, relative to nearby stellar bodies.

A communique came through my console that a shuttle was on its way.(Awkward sentence. I'd sconsider changing the order to ' A communique that a shuttle was on it's way came through my console.') Seriously, that's basically all it said. "ES1 reports shuttle away, destination Protector." Whoever was aboard didn't want their name broadcast all over the system. I ordered a temporary delay to the patrols, and I had a pretty good idea of the visitor's identity, too, and headed down to Bay 1 to confirm.

Bay 1's massive, metallic iris curled open as I watched from the flight control station, above the bay itself. A small shuttle coasted in and set down gently on the smooth floor. The iris closed, and the display in front of me spat out indicators about repressurization. I took the elevator down to the bay itself, knowing it would be done repressurizing by the time I got there. (You used 'the bay itself' twice in this paragraph, but I'm not too sure what you could replace one with.)

I stepped out into the massive bay, making my way past other ships--shuttles, fighters, a couple tugs, a cargo hauler. I watched a few ('A few' or just two? A few seems to imply more than two.) individuals disembark the shuttle: Fleet Admiral Maury Sellis, a notorious micromanager; and Agent John "Jack" Robertson, Terran Intelligence. Jack--he was the one I expected, with all the secrecy about his arrival.
(Ahhh, Jack. Mwahaha.)

I walked up to greet them. "Gentlemen," I said, nearly forgetting to salute the Admiral--a gesture I threw in quickly, before he noticed my lapse.

"Captain," Sellis acknowledged with a nod.

We exchanged pleasantries for a moment, then started walking towards the exit. Sellis got right down to business. "I understand you already spoke to Admiral Degenstein about the situation with the Koraxians."

"That's right. I must say, I am not too thrilled with my assignment, either." I hoped my little hint would get Sellis' attention. He loved to change things around, and his authority superseded Degenstein's. Strangely, he didn't take the bait.

"You'll have to take it up with her. I have more important priorities." It wasn't like Sellis to rebuff me. Normally, he jumped at an excuse to undermine one of his subordinates. That was his whole reputation! Hell, he seemed to get off on it. But this time, I got a "not my problem." What the hell?

I looked at Jack, who shrugged but didn't say anything. I followed the two of them to one of the unoccupied conference rooms--no windows, soundproofed, no recording devices of any kind. Private. (If it's your ship, would you follow them or would they follow you?)

Jack shut the door behind us and locked it. Sellis leaned over the oblong conference table with a serious look on his face. "We're planning for contingencies."

"We know the Koraxians won't negotiate," Jack elaborated.

"The President insists on diplomacy," Sellis continued. "We are convinced it will fail. However, she does not want to hear any talk of war plans. We are taking the initiative ourselves."

"Our data on the Koraxians is limited but valuable," Jack said. "There is, apparently, a large resistance movement within their society, opposed to war with us--or anyone, for that matter. While their people are gearing up for war, the resistance is likely planning acts of sabotage and protest."

"Okay, I will admit to not knowing anything about the Koraxians," I said. "Can we count on their dissidents to help us? What kind of government do they have?"

"It is, strictly speaking, a despotic empire," Jack explained. "The resistance operates at great peril to themselves. We suspect their members would be executed, if discovered."
(You might want to mix up a few of the above paragraphs. They all follow the same formula.)

"Then how do we know about them?"

"We gleaned it from the Oolians, when we pressed them for information. They gave us the names and locations of a few contacts. It seems they've been in touch with the Oolians for years, but operate covertly."

I nodded. "Where do I come in?" I knew Jack wasn't here for a friendly visit. They had a purpose in telling me all this.

Jack came up alongside me. "You will follow your official orders--patrol this system. If hostilities break out--and it's almost guaranteed they will--you will receive new orders. There will, actually, be a large number of reassignments, all planned in advance, taking effect once we are in an open state of war. We can't wait for the President to sign off on everything. By the time she hears about it, she won't be able to stop it."

"I don't get it," I admitted. "Are you talking about mutiny, here? What does the C-in-C think about all this? Is he in on it?"

"He authorized this plan personally," Sellis stated. "It's not a mutiny. It's initiative. By the time things are in motion, she will see the light. Once we're at war, what choice will she have? Diplomacy will have failed."

"Okay, I think I've got that part. What about the Koraxian resistance? Are you going to send me to help them or something?"

Jack: "We will send you to meet with one of their leaders. We have no idea what they would want in return, or how we could help them. At this point, a friendly overture is more important than material support. That said, if you can help them, you will be authorized to do so. You will be out of contact with the chain of command, so you will have a lot of discretion."

"So, you want me to help them, if I think it's a good idea?"

Jack put his hand on my shoulder. "I hand-picked you for this one, Robert. You've got good judgment. You can tell friends from foes. You can also show our strength, which they will value."

"When can I tell my crew about this?"

"Not until you get the official orders," Sellis instructed. "No one below Captain rank is aware of this plan, and we want it to stay that way until it's activated."

"Got it."

"A complete information packet will be transmitted along with the new orders. It will tell you where to go, and when, and clarify your orders. It will contain all we know about the resistance as well as the Koraxian government and military. You won't have much time to get briefed, but we are still compiling the data ourselves."

"Well, that all sounds good." I didn't really know what to make of it, honestly. I sensed the tension emanating from both men. While they talked like they were in the clear, legally, I got the feeling they weren't too happy about going behind the President's back with this. Really, how accepting would she be, finding out moments after a Koraxian attack that her authority over the military had essentially been revoked? I'd acted on my own before, but it was always within the general spirit of my orders and objectives.

Something about all this felt wrong, but I couldn't pinpoint it. Jack and the Admiral, at least, seemed confident in the information they'd obtained from the Oolians. So did I, for that matter--they weren't known to be liars.

After making sure I understood what was coming, Sellis excused himself, leaving me alone with Jack. Jack dropped any formal pretense and gave me a good slap on the back. "Don't fuck this up," he said bluntly.

"Oh, easy for you to say," I smirked. ('Smirked' doesn't seem quite right. It implies smugness, but that doesn't quite make sense.) "I'm the one that has to go out there and do all the work. You get to sit in your cozy office on Earth and read the intelligence reports."

"Not this time. They want me in the field."

I turned around, sitting on the conference table, and folded my arms. "Is it really that bad, they're sending fossils like you out there?"

"Oh, be quiet. They want me because of my extensive experience. I did manage to survive being held captive by hostile Cranions, didn't I?"

"Until I rescued you, if you remember."

He smiled. "Still. They could have easily killed me. I have the power of persuasion."

I chuckled. "And somehow, it's never worked on me."

"Back to the subject at hand: do you have any misgivings about this mission? Remember, it's me you're talking to."

Yup. Jack Robertson, my former mentor. Back when he was a Captain and I was his XO, word got around that we were a kind of two-headed monster--Robert Robertson, (Snigger. Robert Robertson. Nice.) they called it. He gave orders, and I made it happen. No truer was that than during the Cranion War, when they took him hostage on their homeworld, hoping to use him for diplomatic leverage. He'd told me to end the war, or something to that effect. "We will end this war." Something like that. Whatever. It was all the excuse I needed to take some initiative of my own. Analyzing alien architecture was nveer one of my strong suits, but I did manage to figure out the weak points in the Cranions' terrestrial infrastructure. I nailed it--hard. In a matter of hours, most of their war machine was reduced to dust. They had no industrial capacity left. What choice did they have? They surrendered.

The Oolians brokered a peace deal, and Jack was released. That didn't stop certain factions from attempting to derail things, though. Wang Kovals--one of those xenophobic extremists who objected to any friendly relations with alien powers--managed to assassinate a Cranion ambassador and frame Jack for it. I had to hand it to Kovals, he framed a guy with a great motive for murder. A long story later--one I might get to here, eventually--Jack was cleared and Kovals got caught. But the damage to his reputation had been done. Jack quietly "retired" and I was left in command of the Protector. Little did I know, at the time, that Jack joined Intel and began spying for them. It sure helped to have a friend in a place like that.

So, he was right about one thing: I couldn't deceive him. He taught me how to command--not just lead, but command. I used to think there wasn't a difference, when I led young men into battle on rough, inhospitable planets. They put their lives in my hands. I learned, slowly, that that was the easy part. Jack taught me about command, like I said--more than putting their lives in your hands, but their careers--their goals, ambitions, dreams. "Keeping them alive is the easy part," Jack once told me. "Giving them a reason to live, that's your job."

He put it simply, but he was right. It was about more than survival. You had to be surviving for something. You needed a reason. I needed a reason. At that moment, I found myself searching for one.

"I don't want to betray my oath," I stated honestly, with no trace of humor in my voice. "Even if the C-in-C has signed off on this, it doesn't feel right."

Jack nodded. "You have to think of the greater good you are serving. Your oath is not simply to the President, but to everyone. You will 'defend the peoples of Earth and her Colonies, their freedoms and guarantees,' even if it means bypassing the President, briefly."

"If the Koraxians are ruled by a despot, like you said, I bet they never even have problems like this."

"Not for very long, I would imagine," Jack said.

What i was trying to review last night when my internet decided to be a dickface.
Time for practice. I'm trying to improve the quality of my reviews/critiques, so here goes....
"Human" has a lot of connotations, when translated, that our diplomats were never comfortable using it

This sentence is odd. I think it might be the placement of the word that.
The word "human" Has a lot of connoctations, that when translated, our diplomats were never very comfortable using.
Yeah, I dont know if I like mine either.....lol.
I like the background you gave us on the planet, about the world war and how he felt gazing down.
The flight controllers there accepted our new orders and we began defensive patrols. Those involved flying from one FV to another, in sequence, making sure nothing came through that shouldn't. Considering the only one anybody ever used went to Proxima, it seemed a tremendous waste of time, effort, and resources to check each one, but protocol was protocol. What if the Koraxians found a backdoor into our system? What if their starmaps were more complete? Anything was possible. And our FVs were sprinkled all

In my opinion, I think it would make more sense to let UCAV's or Drones patrol the fold vectors, rather than the space cruisers coming in through the fold vectors. Seems like an extreme waste of resources-a job that could be easily done by said drones. Who are the Loenids? I belive this is the first mention of them so far, and I have no idea who they are or really why they were mentioned.
Whats an attractor?
Did I miss a few key details in other chapters?
Bay. a word used numerous times. _Hold and Hangar would also work in this context.
I reallly like your dialouge, it flows very well, and is wholly beliveable. I could really see these guys sitting down and talking this way.
There is only one spelling error in the whole script- neevr-Never.
I tried to find it again and couldn't, its closer to the end of the chapter. Paragraph thirty-five. I coulnted everything more than one line as a paragraph, just so you can determine where i got that number.
Jimmy I really like this story so far, seriously. Your main character is strong and likeable, a very important factor at least to me, when it comes to reading stories.
I'll be back for more soon as I can.

 

This is actually the first piece I read of this, a week or so ago, after the last comment. I found it intriguing then, without a clue as to what was going on.
Because it lives up to its billing it will get bumped a star :o)

Thanks!!

God damn you!!  I can't stop looking at this.  I wonder what you plan to do with this in the long term?  Are you looking at publication?  I really think this is worthy.  Well, judging by the amount of crap out there, this is definitely worthy.  It's putting me off doing my own work at the moment, so last reply for tonight.

Earth. Say it enough times, it starts to sound a bit silly.

I don't like this start to this chapter, to be honest.  I'm not going to advice too much in the way of a different start, but you need an "and" in here.  So...

'Say it enough times and it starts to sound a bit silly.'

Your description of Earth from space is great.  It evokes a lot of imagery.

We're getting into personality a little more at the start here, creating an image of cynicism, which plays well with this.

The jump from reminiscing into current reality feels like a huge jump too, so I think you should rework that so we ease back into it a little smoother.  Perhaps the old classic seperator of the three * could work here.  That's personal choice, of course, some people opt to use it, others don't.  Myself, I employ it a lot, or some other sort of break.

In all, another good chapter that keeps us moving along.  It doesn't feel stagnant in any way.  Grammar is pretty spot on throughout this chapter, there is at least one spelling mistake here, but that's really about it.

Keep it up, my good man.